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Yikes! My Child WON'T Share! What Do I Do?
Years ago my husband and I attended a parenting class and one thing that stands out in my mind from that course was something very simplistic that the trainer said. He asked the question, "If your kid doesn't like broccoli, what should you do?" I thought for a minute while he paused and the first thought that came to me was, do my kids even like broccoli? Hmmmmm. Then in a loud voice the trainer enthusiastically said, "You should feed him MORE broccoli, that's what!"The reason this lesson stands out in my mind so clearly years later is because I have used it over and over in making my parenting decisions. I have gone back and pondered it again and again. Why? This one simple concept has become a principle to me in my parenting skills. If your child doesn't want to do something, at times, it is appropriate to make him do it. Those of you that know me personally know that I strive to allow my children to make decisions for themselves and at times they make wrong and unwise choices. The goal is to have them learn from those poor choices. I don't believe in forcing them to do things such as eating all of their dinner, wearing their hair a certain way or perhaps wearing shoes they hate. You do have to balance things and encourage your children to grow emotionally and behaviorally to become good citizens. You do that by exposing them and influencing them to attempt new things that they may not want to do. In other words, there are always things in life that we must do, even if we don't want to. We have to go to work. We have to go to school. We have to obey the laws of the land. Now, lets apply this to getting your children to share with others. If you have a child that will not share their toys and you indulge that behavior by allowing it, well, subliminally, you are telling the child that you agree with him and he really doesn't have to share his toys. Sharing is something that a child must be taught. There is a healthy way to teach your child to share and you might be surprised to know that I don't think you should always make your child share with others. There is a step-by-step process that you can follow to get your child to share. The first step is awareness. Are you aware of what is going on with your child's playmates? As the adult, make yourself aware of what is going on when playmates come around. Listen to them playing. Your child may not want to share for fear of losing a favorite toy or for fear that his favorite toy will get broken or scribbled on. Pay attention and see if your child has a friend that is too wild with toys and often breaks them, or maybe a playmate tends to "accidentally" take things home with him and not bring them back, or maybe they even have a tendency to color on toys? If this is the case, then you shouldn't make your child share with a playmate like that! You may even encourage your child to put his favorite toys up when that particular playmate comes over. Or better yet, reevaluate who your child is playing with! The next step would be to think of yourself. If you have an irresponsible friend that borrows your lawn tools and leaves them out in the yard to get ruined, you probably don't want to loan him anything do you? This is usually the same friend that is constantly wanting to borrow many of your items, probably because he ruined his own already, right? Perhaps you have a friend or family member that doesn't return things when they borrow them or maybe they return them damaged, dirty or in poor working condition. Again, who wants to loan something to someone like that? I suspect not you and I know, not me! So don't make your child do that with his items either! On the other hand, if you have a friend that borrows things and returns them in a timely manner, in the condition in which you leant them, well then you are more likely to "share" your things with this person, right? Explain this concept to your child using simple words. Ask your child if he thinks the playmate takes good care of his or her toys. Talk to them and get them thinking about it. If the playmate is too rough, don't make your child share with him. The next step is listening. TO YOURSELF! After you have made yourself aware of the playmates behavior, the next thing is to use words that children understand. When an adult uses the word "share" in terms of food, the child sees you rip a cookie in half and give some to someone else. Whoa! Next, you pick up the child's doll and say, I want you to "share" your doll with your friend. Yikes! The kid half expects you to rip the doll's arms off. Adults sometimes don't realize the power of their words on a child. Listen to yourself! What I would suggest is for you to use the word "share" only when you are dealing with food because that is really what you are asking your child to do, give a little of what they have to someone else. When you are dealing with toys and objects you might say, "Let's allow your friend have a turn playing with your toy now, okay?". This is more understandable to the child and they will not envision you ripping their toy in half. After saying everything just right, you may still find that you have a child that won't share or take turns! What then? Well, that is when I go back to the phrase, "If they don't like broccoli, feed them more broccoli!" In other words, MAKE them share. How can you make them? Simple, you can do this by saying, "You must take turns with your toys and if you don't, mommy or daddy will take the toy and put it away from you until you decide to give others a turn playing with it." I know, you are thinking, wow, that is tough, right? Yup, anything that your child is so attached to that they won't allow anyone else near it, is too much of an attachment. It is an attitude of total selfishness and you need to discourage it. You don't need to torture the child and keep threatening to take the toy. (Click the link in this newsletter to read about threatening repeating). Just like the Nike commercial says. Just do it! Do it very logically and calmly after telling the child ONE time only. If the child has a fit and asks where the toys is, explain to them that it is safe and that you have put it away until they were willing to allow others a turn. Do not give in, no matter what! When the child agrees to allow others a turn, give the item back to him. Empower your child with control of the timeframe in which he gets the item back. Each child is different and one child might decide to share immediately and another child will decide to take turns only after a week. My final words to you are this, remember, being a parent is challenging work! Stay focused on your parenting plan, turn on the creative portion of your brain and then? OUTSMART THE LITTLE BOOGERS! It is the only way! Michelle Shelton and her husband Paul live in Gilbert, Arizona with their five children. Michelle is a full time licensed Real Estate Agent for Keller Williams Realty Southeast Valley. She specializes in Arizona Horse Property. You can visit her on the web at http://www.askmichelleshelton.com or contact her directly at michelleshelton@yahoo.com
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Home and Family:Babies Toddler Articles from EzineArticles.com
12/07/2020 12:46 PM
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3 Super Fun Backyard Activities For Kids Who Love Nature
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If you can't bring the family outdoors, bring the outdoors to your home! Enjoy these super fun backyard activities for kids!
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11/30/2020 10:17 AM
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Tips to Help You Choose the Best Toys for Your Baby
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If you want to buy toys for your baby, you may have to go through a long aisle of toys at your desired store. You have tons of options to choose from. Therefore, it can be really confusing for you to make the best choice. In this article, we are going to discuss a few tips that will help you buy the best toys for your baby.
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09/14/2020 11:27 AM
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4 Amazing Benefits Of Coloring In Toddlers
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Invest in those crayons and cute coloring books and let your child have hours of educational fun! Here are 4 amazing benefits of coloring in toddlers!
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08/21/2020 12:27 PM
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3 Reasons Why Pretend Play Is Crucial To Your Child's Development
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Most of a child's learning and development is acquired through playing. Read on to find out why pretend play is an essential part of a child's formative years.
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06/09/2020 03:13 PM
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Top 5 Baby Swaddling Mistakes You Want to Avoid
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Are you a new mommy eager to swaddle your child but is in need of guidance on how to do swaddling correctly? Below are a few of the swaddling mistakes some parents commit so you can avoid them.
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06/09/2020 03:13 PM
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5 Major Benefits of Swaddling Your Baby
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Swaddling is beneficial to newborn babies. It plays a great role in their holistic development. Make swaddling part of your babies' care.
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06/09/2020 03:13 PM
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3 Tried And Tested Ways To Teach Children How To Draw
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Seeing a potential artist in your little one? Here are effective ways to start teaching children how to draw!
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04/15/2020 06:45 AM
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Taming the Terrible Twos Tantrums
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I hope these suggestions give you some ideas and make your life and shopping trips more fun. you will see an amazing difference in your child and the cooperation you will get. Your little one will become more engaged and will enjoy shopping and you will find it less stressful.
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04/15/2020 06:45 AM
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All Children Are Different!
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If you look around at families you know, it is likely that the children are all different, with different looks and natures than their brothers and sisters. Quite often you will notice a pattern according to their position in the family. The first born may be more thoughtful and reserved, the middle child quite different, whilst the youngest may be extravert, fearless and adventurous.
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03/17/2020 09:43 AM
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Baby Blues and Post Natal Depression
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After the birth of your baby you are likely to feel tired after sleepless nights. Also your body has been through quite an ordeal carrying baby for 9 months followed by the exertion of giving birth. Perhaps you had a prolonged labour, or you may be feeling anxious wondering how you will cope caring for this little helpless bundle. Maybe you are worrying you won't automatically bond with your baby. Besides these worries your hormones are running riot in your body which can make you tearful for no reason. This will usually pass quite quickly and you will really start to enjoy motherhood but if it continues or you are worried speak to your health visitor or doctor for advice.
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03/11/2020 09:52 AM
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Praise Not Criticism
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I really hate to see harassed mothers angry with their children, shouting and yelling at what appears to be little misdemeanours. I wish they could relax and enjoy their children more. Praise and approval are the easiest way to reward a child and change unwanted behaviours. Constant daily criticism will hurt a child and leave lasting effect, also ridicule and sarcasm must be avoided. Important people in your life as a child create the strongest negative and positive effect, parents, grandparents, peers and teachers.
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03/11/2020 09:52 AM
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Nurturing Discipline
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Discipline even with young children is necessary, or you will have unruly children to deal with. They must learn right from wrong, but it is better to approach discipline in a caring consistant but firm way. decide what is unacceptable to you and don't tolerate it. You are the adult don't let your child run the household, even if their misbehavior is cute or funny, don't laugh at them or they will enjoy the attension and the behaviour will escalate. You will find some suggestions for preventing tantrums, begin the either of method from early days and you should find it a great help.
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03/03/2020 06:31 PM
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5 Most Common Mistakes New Parents Make
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The most common mistake is panicking over everything. They worry about baby's sleep, cries, food and even what kind of clothes baby should wear or what kind of toys baby should play with. Worrying about everything would not do any good for your baby.
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02/19/2020 09:22 AM
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Are You Feeling Anxious About Tackling Potty Training
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Nowadays it would appear by the number of books available, that mothers dread the thought of potty training. You may have heard tales from your friends, of disasters all over the house, new carpets spoiled, and embarrassing moments at friends' houses or in public places.
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02/19/2020 09:21 AM
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The Helping Hand for All New Mums
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How society has changed over the last 100 years. Not so long ago members of the extended family lived in the same street or at least the same town. Nowadays young mums are isolated having moved to distant parts of the UK or even another country. Therefore leaving them apart from other family members and the help and support they would have received.
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02/19/2020 09:20 AM
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Is Your Child Dry at Night? Some Helpful Training Suggestions
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It will probably be a while after your child is dry in the day, before they are dry at night. For a start night time is a long period. Your child might not be able to remain dry that long. Children have to learn to wake at the urge, this takes time.
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02/19/2020 09:20 AM
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Potty Training Through the Ages
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Going back in time potty training and all its drama didn't exist. Even today in primitive regions woman carry their children with them all the time and merely hold them out as necessary. Much like childbirth it was a natural happening, nothing out of the ordinary and they were back to work in the fields shortly after giving birth.
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02/13/2020 04:19 PM
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Baby's First Birthday - A Milesstone of Your Success
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You attitude during parenting can make all the difference; if you are relaxed, trust your gut feelings, and havie confidence in your action you will find both you and your baby will be less stressed and your life will be easier. Your baby's first birthday will probably be enjoyed by grandparents' relatives and friends, but it is the first milestone of your success and achievement in nurturing a new little person in your family. You will no doubt have suffered some sleepless nights, dealt with teething, and colic.
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02/10/2020 09:29 AM
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Brain Development in Babies
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The word infant means "one without speech" The cooing and babbling of a baby as he leans how to form sounds and words are the early steps to communicating. Even babies in the womb begin to hear sounds about 6 months after conception. They hear their mother's heart beat and the internal gurgling of her digestive system. External sounds of music and conversation are muffled
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02/10/2020 09:29 AM
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Feeding-Is Breast Best for You?
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There is a lot of talk at the moment about "the breast is best". Yes certainly breast milk is more nutritious for your baby, especially initially when you are building up his biome microbes, his resistance to infection, and giving him a good healthy start in life. Your initial breast milk after giving birth contains colostrum.
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02/10/2020 09:26 AM
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Help! Why Does My Baby Cry So Much?
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Babies cry for a number of reasons, but you cannot always decide why. If your baby cries a lot it can feel very traumatic, sometimes trapped wind can make babies uncomfortable, but if you "burp" him before laying him down to rest it will help.
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02/10/2020 09:26 AM
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Early Days, the Baby Blues
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It really isn't surprising that you are feeling a little fragile,is it. Your body has just been through nine months of carrying and nurturing a little human being followed by a strenuous ordeal of bringing him into the world. Your hormones are all over the place, you are probably exhausted, and you have been woken at all hours, no wonder you feel tearful.
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11/14/2019 02:39 PM
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5 Best Brain Foods Toddlers and Young Kids
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Kids and babies' brains grow and develop at a rapid rate. To ensure that it develops well, here are the 5 best brain foods to give your little one!
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11/07/2019 08:04 AM
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5 Effective Ways To Encourage Learning In Children
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Want to boost your little one's learning habits? Follow these 5 effective ways to encourage learning in children!
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11/01/2019 01:03 PM
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5 Effective Tips To Growing Your Toddler's Hair Faster
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Want your child's hair to grow faster and healthier? These tips to growing your toddler's hair faster will surely help!
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11/01/2019 01:02 PM
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Quick and Easy Cookie Recipes For Your Toddler
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Is your little one a sweet tooth? Put a smile on his face by making these quick and easy cookie recipes that are super yummy!
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10/31/2019 09:33 AM
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5 Tips To Choose the Right Tricycle
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If you are going to purchase the first tricycle for your kid, you may have to choose from a lot of options. Before you make a choice, it's important that you consider a few important tips. In the market, you may have seen a lot of models that feature great looks and vibrant colors.
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10/24/2019 07:24 PM
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Teach Your Toddler To Identify Colors With These 5 Easy Steps
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Babies and toddlers are naturally attracted to colors. Teach your toddler how to identify colors by following these effective tips!
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09/25/2019 12:15 PM
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How To Encourage Better Behavior in Your Toddler
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Every toddler goes through the "tantrums phase". Follow these 5 easy steps to encourage better behaviour in your toddler!
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09/11/2019 02:32 PM
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3 Tips For A Stress-Free Airplane Ride With A Toddler
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Taking your toddler on his first plane ride? These effective tips will ensure that your entire ride is easy breezy and stress-free!
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08/28/2019 11:35 AM
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3 Easy Ways To Help Encourage Your Baby To Walk
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Want to help your baby take his first steps? Here are 3 things you can try to encourage him to walk!
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08/28/2019 11:35 AM
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3 Fun and Colorful Snacks Your Toddler Will Love
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Let's face it - kids love colors, even on their food! Try these 3 fun and colourful snacks that your toddler will surely love!
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08/26/2019 01:56 PM
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Tips To Choose The Right Baby Blanket
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For the first few months, your baby will spend most of the time sleeping. Therefore, it is important to purchase the right type of baby blanket for the purpose of comfort and security. The needs of each family are different.
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08/12/2019 09:02 AM
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5 Superfoods For the Growing Child
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Nutritious food is essential to growth. Prepare these 5 superfoods for a growing child to ensure health and strength!
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08/12/2019 09:02 AM
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3 Easy Ways To Prepare Your Toddler For Preschool
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Is your child starting preschool soon? Make the transition smoother by following these 5 easy ways in preparing your toddler for preschool!
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08/05/2019 11:16 AM
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Things to Consider When Buying Flushable Toilet Wipes
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If you don't know, flushable toilet wipes offer a lot better user experience than other types of toilet papers you can buy. You may be used to dry toilet paper. However, flushable wipes allow auto cleaning.
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08/05/2019 11:16 AM
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Flushable Toilet Wipes: Back to Basics
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Wipes are a type of disposable sheets. They are designed for different sanitary and cleaning purposes. For instance, they are used as baby wipes, de-greasers, moist toilet paper, and make-up removers.
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08/05/2019 11:15 AM
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Tips to Make Your Own Flushable Wet Wipes
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Wet wipes are an ideal choice if you are looking for baby wipes that are both soft and safe. The beauty of flushable wet wipes is that these wipes leave you with a clean, fresh feel, which is not possible in case of regular toilet paper. However, the problem is that they may be a bit expensive.
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08/05/2019 10:23 AM
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Flushable Wet Wipes: 6 Tips to Opt for the Best Wipes for Your Baby
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Purchasing baby wipes is a good decision as they are quite handy, especially when your kid soils their diaper at home. They allow you to change your baby's diaper even when you are on the move. You can choose from different brands of baby wipes but flushable wet wipes are quite popular.
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07/31/2019 09:14 PM
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Wean Your Baby From Breastfeeding With These 3 Easy Ways
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When you think it's time to transition your baby from breast to bottle, it won't be an easy process. Follow these 3 easy ways to wean your baby from breastfeeding!
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07/31/2019 09:14 PM
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3 Easy Ways To Get Your Toddler To Sleep In His Own Bed
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Can't sleep because you keep on getting kicked and elbowed by your sleeping toddler? It's time to get him to sleep in his own bed - here's how!
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07/29/2019 12:36 PM
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Happy No Fuss Bedtimes
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Tears at bed time and not settling to sleep happily are a problem for many parents. A good routine and starting early all help but most important, stay relaxed and expect success, Exercise earlier in the day especially in the fresh air will be a good starting point followed by quiet games before bedtime. A warm bath helps relax children followed by a favourite story in a happy relaxed manner to help them wind down happily. A favourite soft toy, teddy or comfort blanket give comfort and security when tucked in beside your now relaxed and sleepy little one which should help them settle in for a good night sleep.
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07/23/2019 05:07 PM
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Electric Breast Pumps And Other Consumer Electronics
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Why Breast Pumps? It's no secret that an electric breast pump is a boon for mothers that are committed to their jobs and workplaces. However, in today's age, we can say that a lot of people are hesitant to try out new products that are out in the market these days.
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07/15/2019 11:10 AM
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3 Effective Tips To Help Your Child Gain Weight
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Is your child underweight? Follow these tips to help him gain weight in a safe and healthy way!
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07/10/2019 10:04 AM
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Baby's Potty Training Made Easy
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Looking at the number of books and videos available on potty training now it would appear to be a difficult procedure; but when my three children were small it seemed a fast and simple process. Talking to my sister recently she had no difficulty with her 3 either. The following suggestions should help you navigate potty training easily too.
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07/10/2019 09:54 AM
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3 Effective Ways To Introduce Your Child To A New Baby
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For most parents, going through a second pregnancy is a lot easier in terms of knowing what to expect and what to do once the child is born. However, one of the biggest challenges that they have to face is introducing the baby to their first-born.
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07/10/2019 09:54 AM
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4 Amazing Ways To Soothe A Crying Baby Instantly
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A large part of being a parent of a newborn is to have to deal with the constant crying and wailing. While this is natural since babies can't exactly tell you what they want or feel, it's still frustrating for to hear for a tired and sleepless parent.
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07/08/2019 12:00 PM
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4 Effective Tips For Packing For An Overnight Trip With Kids
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Kids have plenty of essentials and it can get overwhelming when packing for a trip, especially if you're packing for more than 1 child. Basically, you'll be preparing the same things whether your trip is a day or a week (you'll just be adding more clothes and snacks).
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07/08/2019 12:00 PM
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The 4 Main Types of Parenting (What's Your Parenting Style?)
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No two sets of parents are the same. Each has different views about discipline and a different set of values they want to instil in their children. But while different in style, parents have the same goal - to create a world full of love for their kids and to guide them every step of the way.
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06/25/2019 03:44 PM
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Stress-Free Bathtimes With Your New Baby
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Hello to all new mums, this maybe an area you are feeling anxious about if you are still adapting to life with your beautiful vuneral little bundle, I would like to offer you some tips for easy safe bathtimes. Just a reminder I am a mother of 3, a former foster parent and teacher, and grandmother of 5 I have heard so many first time Mums saying how worried they were in the early days with their babies so here are some suggestions... Now I agree wet babies that wriggle and often scream at the new experience are slippery and worrying. However if you hold them wrapped in a towel on your knee with their head over the water in front of you as you sit on a chair in front of the baby bath, their neck supported with your hand and thumb, you have a spare hand to wash their hair.
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